Eeek! There’s A Stay At Home Dad In The Ladies.

stay at home dad not allowedAs a stay at home dad,  am I allowed to take my two and a half year old daughter to the women’s toilet? She is the one doing a wee not me and she needs my help to successfully complete the process.

Besides the men’s toilets are absolutely disgusting and I don’t want her anywhere near anything in that place.

In addition there is a limited amount of cubicles in the men’s as the majority of space is taken up with urinals. The stalls in the men’s toilets are generally only used for crapping in and for some reason a lot of men think that making a huge mess and not cleaning up after themselves is some kind of measure of masculinity.

Most blokes can’t aim straight and some don’t even flush and there is no way that I will let my daughter sit on those grubby things. I won’t even do it so why should she?

So why then, when I take my toilet training daughter to the ladies’ toilets do I get such death stares? Surely they can’t expect me to take her to the men’s?

“You can’t be in here.” says one lady.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s the ladies toilet.”
“She is a lady and she is the one who needs to go.” I say, pointing to my little girl.
“Well you still can’t be in here.”
“But who is going to help her? ”
“Go to the parents room.”
“There is a line a mile long and she is toilet training. We can’t wait.”
“Well you still can’t be in here.”
“Then what do you suggest I do?”
“I suggest that you leave.”
“We could have been finished by now…”

What is the problem here? I really don’t get it. Surely women would be more sympathetic to a dad toilet training his little girl? Is there something that you guys do in front of the mirror that I am not allowed to know about?

I even try to talk a little louder so everyone can hear that I am with a little girl who is attempting to do a wee and that I am not some pervert trying to look under the cubicle door at their urinating vaginas or excreting poo holes.

I have come across this attitude a couple of times in public however confusingly the few women that I have asked directly have said that they would not mind at all???  I would be interested to hear more thoughts on the subject.

The only factor that I have not considered (until now) is cultural. As Australia is a multicultural society is there a possibility of me seeing an unwrapped Muslim woman in the female toilets? What would happen if that woman’s husband saw me come out of the ladies toilets?

Should I worry about such things?

The other aspect of this whole scenario that really annoys me is that my daughter understands every word of the drama. What is society teaching her about gender?  You can bang on all you want about equality but this is where these kinds of attitudes are formed.

I can’t see any other reason why a dad can’t take his little girl into the ladies toilets when there is no other option. Am I missing something?

This article has been published on the Mamamia parenting website. Some of the 300 or so comments make for some interesting and informative reading. If you would like to view them then please click here.

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4 Responses to Eeek! There’s A Stay At Home Dad In The Ladies.

  1. Tina says:

    The fact that you are training your little girl to use the toilet like a grown up is absolutely awesome. Personally, I cannot understand what the bid deal is with a man taking his little girls to use the ladies toilet. It is the most sensible thing in the world!! Don’t ever succumb to the pressure and take a to a man’s toilet, just press on. There is no secrets in the women’s toilet. In Australia there are places where toilets are unisex. Take my work for example. We have a uni sex toilet and no one cares one way or another. The only thing is that the men in general are quite unhygenic ( sorry to all those clean males, but on the whole unfortunatelly men leave toilets in a bad state) and it can be tricky finding a clean toilet to use.

    I really don’t understand these prudish, simply mean women who will complain about a man taking his little girl for a wee in the female toilet. What is the world coming to…??

    I am hoping that this is a minority of women ( the unhappy, nasty ones…) and on the whole I hope that you will find some helpful ones.

  2. Kerri-Jo says:

    Nice dad! It takes guts to bipass tradition.
    Any ways, it should be what’s best for the little girl.
    And I am pretty sure that any Muslim women or nun or whatever, would just wait for you to be finished and smile at your little girl 🙂
    I’m sure it wasn’t the devote ones complaining…
    Have fun with your little girl!

  3. Great post I’m in England and my husband has this problem all the time (our daughter is now nearly 5). I’m totally horrified if he takes her into the men’s toilets – after all, she is the one using the facilities. I would never, never let her go in on her own either (well, not till she’s much older).

    My suggestion is to knock on the door and/or shout through that you’re a dad with a daughter who’s desperate for the loo. I think it’s just polite. If you have anyone give you grief over this, you should ask them what’s more distressing – you in the ladies loo with your daughter, or your poor girl having an ‘accident’ in public? Don’t even mention taking her into the men’s toilet as an option.

    There is no difference in you taking her in the ladies loo, and a mother taking her son in there. In fact, I was a little surprised (but totally approving) when a mother who took her pre-teen son in with her and her daughter. I too wouldn’t have left him alone outside, because you don’t know what might happen; and once I had got over the shock of seeing him, I didn’t give it another thought.

    A final thought for the women who worry about a man being in the ladies loo. If anyone looks worried, then just ask your daughter through the door if she’s okay. When they hear her answer you, then at least it doesn’t look like you’re just hanging around there for no reason!

    Thanks again for the post. You sound like a great dad – there should be more like you.

  4. elenorjean says:

    Why should anyone care? It’s not like the stalls don’t have doors, so when a person is actually using the toilet they’re doing it in privacy. It’s no worse than using your own toilet at home while a man is standing in the corridor. People are stupid.

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